One of the common factor to frustrations in all relation for a human being is too many expectations.
I’ve heard clients express sincere frustration with spouse and their inability to communicate effectively, and thus having disharmony, arguments and friction. I’ve heard lots of problems in married life due to unfair dealings or unrealistic expectations.The reasons why expectations can be so tricky are:
Too many expectations leads to frustrations. Too many expectations when not met, we tend to start blaming the other one. When we expect, we keep expecting more, we become greedy to have more from that person. Sometimes they can be realistic expectations and sometimes unrealistic.
"Most of the times people do not disappoint you but it is your expectations from them disappoints you." - Roop Lakhani
We rarely communicate our expectations to others, and we don’t often create the clear steps to achieve them. And we often base our expectations on external factors, which aren’t in our control. When these expectations are missed, we respond with the emotions such as blaming, frustration, disappointment, overwhelm, anger, disaharmony and frictions.
What happens when a person is bombarded with expectations and he keeps reaching upto others expectations? What if he is unable to say no to the person?? He keeps meeting the demands and expectations of the person sacrificing his own happiness and then it leads to frustrations, resentments, anger and burnt out feelings?
Most important for a person is to draw boundaries and say 'no'when he means 'no'.
Also very important for a person to know is, give without sacrificing and give with joy rather than become a martyr or sacrificing one's own happiness. Try to balance with proper communication and balancing.
With expectations, one should have clarity of mind and keep only realistic expectations from the other one. Also advise is to be independent and copdependent, rather than being fully dependent and feel frsutrated later. Compassionate communication between both parties would lead to a better understanding between the two.
Sometimes, we aren’t often conscious of our expectations, and therefore we don’t realize how much these inner hopes or requirements are driving our behavior.
With expectations we create unhealthy attachments to people, things and outcomes, which we wish to control but we simply cannot, thus creating anger and sadness..
It is quite natural to expect, quite natural to expect from your family, children, loved ones, spouse, friends... we are humans and expectations is natural and it is bound to be there.. but advise is to expect the least from the other one.
It is good to expect from ourselves, our goals, our duties and our responsibilities. This is in our control and thus it would be good to expect.
While reading this article, if any small subtle thought is nudging you to make some changes, here are some:
The next time you notice yourself getting frustrated, angry or overwhelmed, you can ask yourself:
*What are my current expectations of the situation?
*Am I fair in asking for it?
*Have I communicated these expectations to the other one?
*Have I really listened to the other one to know the realistic situation?
*Are these expectations in my control?
*Can I drop this expectations which is not in my control?
*Am I grateful for recieving support from the other one for his kind giving and also for my expectations met?
It’s important that you truly identify which elements, you are in control of and which ones you are not. Once you know this distinction, you can focus your time and effort on the areas you can influence and control. These simple steps will give you a much greater chance of creating your desired results.
Till then, least expect and more accept
Roop Lakhani
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