It was quite unfortunate for her, she had lost her mother much earlier than she had expected. I would get her call everyday, today is almost 40 days complete ..she would call me every day and she would literally vent out her true feelings, she would feel regretful, she would feel guilty for all her mistakes, she would feel bad for she unable to spend some time amidst her busy schedules of family, children and more, she would even blame herself for her premature or early death.
She would ask me to check the answers to what her conscience would bite her. She would be honest enough to admit her mistakes as how rude or harsh she was in her talks to her mother.
At times she would justify that she was doing all that for reasons of stress she was going through.
She was going through a phase where she would feel lonely, isolated and depressed. She would feel God had punished her or slapped her by taking away mother from her she would keep blaming that because of her unkind approach, the mother had departed as she could not keep her happy.
She would recall all her misconduct, irrational behaviours, rejections and avoidance, ignoring and criticism she did. She would then want to get approval from me or her other favorite loved ones of she was anywhere unkind or unfair to her. She would seek answers which would validate her deeper truth.
She would hear some inner voices telling her day and night, she was a butcher and responsible for her mother's death. There was no end to her Ruminating wallowing sad depressed thoughts.
This episode reminded me of the five stages of grief model DANDA developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. (Content from Google)
Not necessarily, the five stages happen in the same order
– denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – still they are often talked about as if they happen in order, moving from one stage to the other.
Denial - a person feel numb, sometimes cannot express, sometimes cannot cry after the death of the loved ones.It’s also very common to feel the presence of someone who has died, hear their voice or even see them.
Anger - Death can seem cruel and unfair, especially when you feel someone has died before their time or you had plans for the future together. It’s also common to feel angry towards the person who has died, or angry at ourselves for things we did or didn’t do before their death.
Negotiating - When we are in grief or pain, it’s sometimes hard to accept that there’s nothing we can do to change things. So we start negotiating. It is when we start to make deals with ourselves, or perhaps with God if you’re religious. We want to believe that if we act in particular ways we will feel better. It’s also common to find ourselves going over and over things that happened in the past and asking a lot of ‘what if’ questions, wishing we could go back and change things in the hope things could have turned out differently.
Depression - Sadness and longing are what we think of most often when we think about grief. This pain can be very intense and come in waves over many months or years. Life can feel like it no longer holds any meaning which can be very scary.one starts feeling lonely, isolated and spiritual.
Acceptance - Grief comes in waves and it can feel like nothing will ever be right again. But gradually most people find that the pain eases, and it is possible to accept what has happened. We may never ‘get over’ the death of someone precious, but we can learn to live again, while keeping the memories of those we have lost close to us.
So here comes certain chants that may help you overcome grief
I recognise my pains
I revive my pains
I realign my pains
I reorient my pains
I reposition my pains
I recognise my guilt
I revive my guilt
I realign my guilt
I reorient my guilt
I reposition my guilt
I recognise my regrets
I revive my regrets
I realign my regrets
I reorient my regrets
I reposition my regrets
I recognise my wrongdoings
I revive my wrongdoings
I realign my wrongdoings
I reorient my wrongdoings
I reposition my wrongdoings
I recognise forgiving
I revive forgiving
I realign forgiving
I reorient forgiving
I reposition forgiving
I recognise peace in my heart
I revive peace in my heart
I realign peace in my heart
I reorient peace in my heart
I reposition peace in my heart
Do genuinely feeling safe with your inner space and this may surely help you overcome your grief, pain, guilt, and regrets.
Roop Lakhani
Your Awareness Coach
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