I became a parent 37 years ago, and back then, I had no idea what “parenting styles” were. All I knew was to love my child unconditionally and take care of his needs. Like most parents of that era, I relied on instinct and societal norms. There were no guides, no workshops, and certainly no conversations about the psychological impact of different parenting approaches. My role was clear: provide, protect, and nurture. And I did the best I could with the knowledge and awareness I had at the time.
Fast forward to today, as a healer and coach, I’ve come to realize that parenting is so much more than just meeting a child’s physical needs or showing love. It’s about the energy we bring into the relationship, the communication we foster, and the environment we create for our children to thrive emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
Over the years, I’ve learned that parenting styles play a significant role in shaping a child’s personality, self-esteem, and the way they interact with the world. Looking back, I wonder: What kind of parent was I? Did I guide my child in a way that empowered him? Did I unknowingly impose limitations? These reflections have deepened my understanding of the importance of conscious parenting.
What Are Parenting Styles?
Parenting styles are essentially the approach we take to raising our children. They are influenced by our upbringing, beliefs, cultural norms, and sometimes, the sheer circumstances of life. Broadly speaking, they can be categorized into four types:
1. Authoritative – high warmth and high expectations ..The balanced parent who combines warmth and structure.
2. Authoritarian –high expectations and low warmth... The strict parent who emphasizes discipline over warmth.
3. Permissive – high warmth and low expectations ..The indulgent parent who prioritizes freedom over boundaries.
4. Neglectful – low expectations and low warmth...The uninvolved parent who struggles to meet both emotional and physical needs.
1. Authoritative Parenting
Description:
Combines high warmth with high expectations. Parents set clear rules but are nurturing, responsive, and willing to discuss them.
Impact on Children:
Develop self-discipline, emotional regulation, and good social skills. They tend to be confident and capable.
Example:
A parent who enforces bedtime rules but listens to the child’s concerns about staying up later and adjusts occasionally.
2. Authoritarian Parenting
Description:
High expectations but low warmth. Parents enforce strict rules with little flexibility and expect obedience without question.
Impact on Children:
May lead to fear, low self-esteem, or rebellious behavior. Children may struggle with decision-making and self-expression.
Example:
A parent who demands top grades without acknowledging the child's stress or interests.
3. Permissive Parenting
Description:
High warmth but low expectations. Parents are indulgent and avoid enforcing rules or discipline.
Impact on Children:
May lack self-discipline, struggle with boundaries, and have difficulty handling frustration.
Example:
A parent who allows excessive screen time because they don’t want to upset their child.
4. Neglectful (Uninvolved) Parenting
Description:
Low warmth and low expectations. Parents are uninvolved, either due to disinterest or personal challenges.
Impact on Children:
May develop feelings of abandonment, low self-worth, and poor emotional regulation.
Example:
A parent who is rarely home or shows little interest in the child’s daily activities.
Each style impacts children differently, shaping their self-worth, relationships, and even their future parenting choices.
My Journey as a Parent
When I reflect on my parenting journey, I see elements of each style at different points. There were times I was strict, setting high expectations to ensure my child stayed on the right path. Other times, I leaned towards permissiveness, giving in to avoid conflict. I didn’t know it then, but my approach was a reflection of my own inner struggles, unhealed wounds, and the tools I had—or lacked—at the time.
As I grew older and gained more awareness, I realized that parenting is not about perfection. It’s about intention. It’s about being willing to grow alongside your child, to make mistakes and learn from them, and to prioritize connection over control.
Why I Want to Share This Now
Today, as a coach, I work with many individuals who are still healing from the parenting they received. Some carry wounds from overly strict parents; others struggle with feelings of neglect. This has made me passionate about spreading awareness of the profound impact parenting styles can have on a child’s development.
I want to tell every parent: It’s okay if you didn’t know then what you know now. Parenting is a journey, not a destination. What matters is your willingness to learn, adapt, and grow.
The Call for Conscious Parenting
If there’s one message I hope to leave with parents today, it’s this: be present. Parenting isn’t about following a rigid set of rules. It’s about showing up with love, empathy, and the desire to truly understand your child. It’s about balancing discipline with compassion, independence with support, and structure with flexibility.
As someone who has walked the path of parenting, and now guides others in their healing and growth, I believe the greatest gift we can give our children is the gift of conscious, intentional love.
I didn’t know what parenting styles were 39 years ago, but today I do. And I want to use that knowledge to help others create more harmonious, fulfilling relationships with their children—and themselves.
Let’s make parenting a journey of self-discovery and transformation, for both parent and child.
Avoidant attachment style
Raising a child with avoidant attachment can result in behaviors that reflect emotional distancing and difficulty forming deep emotional connections. Here are some signs that your son might exhibit avoidant attachment:
1. Difficulty Expressing Emotions
He avoids discussing his feelings or struggles to identify and articulate them.
May downplay emotional events or dismiss others’ emotional concerns.
2. Reluctance to Seek Help
Prefers to handle problems independently, even when help is needed.
May see asking for help as a sign of weakness.
3. Discomfort with Intimacy
Finds it challenging to open up in close relationships.
Keeps conversations surface-level, avoiding vulnerability.
4. Strong Focus on Independence
Values self-reliance and autonomy to an extreme degree.
May resist authority or input from others.
5. Avoidance of Physical or Emotional Closeness
Might pull away from physical affection or emotional bonding.
Keeps a safe emotional distance from family or friends.
6. Struggles with Trust
Finds it hard to trust others, assuming people might let him down.
May feel others will not meet his needs, so he avoids depending on them.
7. Overly Self-Sufficient in Relationships
May seem detached or indifferent in romantic or social relationships.
Prioritizes personal space over shared experiences.
8. Defensive Responses to Criticism
Tends to shut down or withdraw when criticized rather than engage in discussion.
May exhibit a lack of interest in resolving conflicts.
9. Difficulty Empathizing
Struggles to connect with others’ emotions or see things from their perspective.
May appear emotionally indifferent.
10. Suppression of Negative Emotions
Rarely shows sadness, fear, or frustration, often masking vulnerability.
May resort to distractions or work to avoid addressing emotions.
Addressing Avoidant Attachment
If you suspect your son shows signs of avoidant attachment, consider these steps:
Foster Open Communication: Encourage him to talk about his feelings in a nonjudgmental space.
Model Healthy Emotional Expression: Demonstrate vulnerability and emotional regulation yourself.
Seek Therapy: Encourage individual or family therapy to explore and heal attachment wounds.
Be Patient: Avoid forcing closeness, as this can reinforce his tendency to withdraw.
Understanding and addressing avoidant attachment early can support healthier emotional connections and relationships in the long term.
Be careful when raising your child. You have brought them into this world, and as a parent, it is fully your responsibility to nurture, guide, and support them. Parenting is not just about fulfilling basic needs; it’s about shaping a human being who can thrive emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
It’s not okay to project your own incompletions onto your child. Whether it’s unresolved childhood wounds, unfulfilled dreams, or unprocessed emotions, carrying these into your parenting can burden your child with things they were never meant to carry. Your child deserves a clean slate—a foundation built on love, awareness, and conscious effort.
It’s also not okay to blindly replicate your own parents' style, even if it feels familiar or easier. Every generation evolves, and so should our approach to parenting. While your parents may have done their best with the tools and awareness they had, you now have the opportunity to grow beyond those patterns. Reflect on what worked, let go of what didn’t, and create a parenting style that aligns with your values and the unique needs of your child.
Parenting with Awareness
Raising a child is not about perfection—it’s about consciousness. Ask yourself:
Am I reacting to my child from a place of love, or from my own unresolved pain?
Am I listening to their needs, or projecting my own fears and expectations?
Am I creating a safe space for them to grow, or unintentionally limiting their potential?
Parenting is a journey of self-awareness and healing. As you raise your child, you also raise yourself. You grow into a better version of who you are, not just for your child but for yourself too.
Remember This
Your child didn’t ask to be born; you made that choice. Respect the life you’ve brought into this world by being fully present and responsible.
Your child is not your second chance at life. They are their own person, with their own path. Support them in discovering and following it.
Parenting is a privilege, not a burden. It is an opportunity to create a legacy of love, compassion, and wisdom.
It’s never too late to reflect, adapt, and evolve as a parent. With conscious effort, you can create a bond with your child that is rooted in trust, respect, and unconditional love—one that helps them grow into confident, empathetic, and resilient individuals.
To your best parenting,
Roop Lakhani
Tarot coach, Numerologist, Coach, Healer
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